


When you see my face (Hope it gives you hell)

by Sunau



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Don't take it too seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I made it for the laughs, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, TikTok, Why Did I Write This?, crackfic, literally just crack, my humor is ridiculous, we all are obsessed with tiktok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27719881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunau/pseuds/Sunau
Summary: Growing up Mark always loved the idea of soulmates sharing their hearings because of how romantic it is to serenade each other love songs to indicate that you exist and you’re waiting until your souls will become as one and that you’re here to love and adore your second half.But Mark’s soulmate…They have a questionable taste in music to put it nicely...Who the fuck listens to Baby Shark in 2020? Mark’s soulmate apparently.(Or in the universe where soulmates can share their hearings, Mark is destined with the one who is obsessed with TikTok songs and kidz bop trap remixes)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 30
Kudos: 226





	When you see my face (Hope it gives you hell)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why did I wrote this, probably because I was mentally exhausted from writing so much angst (If you check my ongoing long-fic that would be greatly appreciated) and in honesty, I had a lot of fun writing the first-ever crack.  
> So please for the love of the god don't take it seriously lmao I know my sense of humor is ridiculous but I hope I can make one or two people laugh during such stressful times! (Wow I love sounding like a professor giving you the 20th assignment for the week)  
> And if you really want to get in the mood for this one, I advise you to listen to Barney Remix 1 HOUR loop (Yes it exists. And yes, I'm speaking from first-hand experience) 
> 
> So anyway, hope some of you will enjoy reading it! ♥  
> You can find me on:  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.qa/Sunau03)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Sunau0?s=09)

Mark's eyes sting every time he tries to blink, leaving his eyes sore and heavy as if weighted by rocks, very dry and heavy rocks and so he rubs his eyes so forcefully that for a moment he’s actually afraid that his eyes will pop out from his eye socket.

But he still is failing to focus on the screen in front of him, words mend with each other-and each time he reads that forsaken sentence his brain short circuits in the middle, leaving him with no other option but to re-read it for the twelfth time for the past fifteen minutes. Blame his attention span of a goldfinch for this.

At this point, he swears he can hear colors. And taste them too. Yellow is kind of way too sour for his taste buds.

And he can feel his stress-ridden body shake and his heartbeat crash against his ribcage with a dreadful and overwhelming feeling of panic-or maybe it’s because of an unhealthy amount of caffeine floating in his veins-but the point is that Mark’s essay is due in 2 hours and he’s not even halfway through, an almost blank document is illuminating right in front of his eyes.

Hey, it’s like that one episode of SpongeBob. A voice from the back of his mind says, finally his brain comprehends the first sentence after hours of leaving Mark listening to a broken buzzing white sound.

Mark's brain really works like the spirit box from BuzzFeed Unsolved-mostly static, sometimes manages to break the silence with disembodied words like “pastry” and “crime”. 

Mysterious, leaves you guessing but mostly dumb and useless.

So he groans, embarrassingly high-pitched, and covers his face with his hands-muffling his screams. He really needs to finish it quickly because if not, he’s going to lose points, meaning that he won’t be able to graduate and get the degree, leaving him jobless and with no money to live and then-

Mark sighs, still holding his face in an attempt to ground himself, to try to scoot his nerves down even if he’s on the edge of yet another mental breakdown, but he has to reschedule it-maybe to Friday. Maybe then he will have time to cry his eyes out.

Why did his last two braincells have to be a sad one and a stupid one? He doesn’t know but at least life wants to fuck him.

Speaking of life wanting to fuck with him, he hears soft muffled sounds coming from the back of his head and Mark swears his heart does a backflip, parkours off the building, and crashes right against his ribcage.

And the tune just gets louder and Mark’s blood freezes cold, knowing what awaits him and he doesn’t even have time to let out a pathetic yelp when the song starts to thud inside his skull on full volume.

_Don't want no short dick man._

“Oh no.” It’s the only word that manages to slip from his chapped lips as his voice breaks from lack of hydration and his throat being dryer than the desert Atacama.

Yes, Atacama is the driest desert in the world. Mark did his research. It’s one of the favorite hobbies of his- filling his useless brain with even more useless information.

_That has got to be the smallest dick_

_I have ever seen in my whole life_

_Get the fuck outta here._

And so Mark cries, which sounds pitiful even for his own ears, and drops his head down, rubbing comforting circles on his temples that pulse with headache as each beat of the song drops inside his skull like a bomb. 

_Iny weeny teeny weeny_

_Shriveled little short dick man._

He’s close to setting himself on fire as the song just gets louder, put on the full volume, making Mark’s ears bleed but speaking how much his head throbs, his soulmate’s neighbors must be having a much worse time. He wonders if his soulmate even has a place to live because they seem to love to blast music on the ungodly hours and if he does, what kind of masochistic person would let them own a house in this society.

We live in the society-his brain whispers dramatically and Mark kindly tells himself to _fuck off_.

You know, growing up Mark always loved the idea of soulmates sharing their hearings because of how romantic it is to serenade each other love songs to indicate that you exist and you’re waiting until your souls will become as one and that you’re here to love and adore your second half.

But Mark’s soulmate…they have a questionable taste in music to put it nicely, and Mark’s is an overly nice person, even he’s about to start throwing rocks at people thanks to being woken up by:

_Somebody come get her, she's dancin' like a stripper_

And other cursed songs for almost every day for this past month.

Mark solely blames TikTok for that because before this app became widely popular, his soulmate made pretty nice choices when it came to music, giving Mark much pleasure to listen to their playlists. 

But a month or two ago his soulmate has discovered-or maybe just stopped being a normie and accepted their addiction on TikTok-and been playing nothing but these obnoxious songs since. And Mark doesn’t really know what point his soulmate is trying to put across listening to songs about sex and sucking dicks-but he prefers to ignore it for his own sanity.

And he doesn’t even know if they listen to these songs ironically. He shudders just on the mere thought that someone could listen to Kazoo kid trap remix the entire day, unironically.

Mark wonders if his soulmate actually hates him because which sane person would have an urge to put their soulmate through so much torture and pain?

At this point, Mark doesn’t know whenever he’s excited to meet his soulmate because he wants to find the love of his life or he just wants to beat the living hell out from the asshole that is the source of Mark’s doomed semester.

Because Mark remembers, _oh he remembers_ , that during his calculus quiz he could hear nothing but ‘Somebody come get her orchestra version’ on one hour loop.

And yes, he failed that quiz.

Like any reasonable adult, Mark puts his headphones on and with trembling fingers, he calmly turns his phone on and puts it on full volume, which probably will cause him to end up deaf before reaching the forties but he doesn’t care, he needs to make his point clear. And so he puts ‘Gives you hell’ and smashes his phone way too aggressively onto the desk, going back to his assignment in a hope that he somehow will be able to concentrate enough to finish it.

And Mark can only pray his soulmate will take a hint.

They don’t, in fact, take a hint but instead take it as a challenge.

This explains why Mark ends up flying off from his bed when he is woken up by literal screaming in the morning.

_Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fu-fu-fu-fu-_

_Listen up bitch, I came to eat._

He wheezes, gasping for air as he struggles to crawl back onto his bed, still half asleep and scared shitless, mostly scared. While his heartbeat still going haywire and adrenaline pumping inside his veins, he unlocks his phone and groans when he’s momentarily blinded by the bright screen light which always stays on the full display-because even Mark’s grandparents have better vision than him. Thank you very much.

He aimlessly throws his phone with a low grumble when he realizes that he still has 2 more hours before he needs to get ready, but obviously, his soulmate couldn’t be generous enough to give Mark enough time to sleep, to function like a normal human being-or as normal as an university student can be. 

When the music just gets louder he covers his face with a pillow in a stupid attempt to block the noise coming in.

_Hey, this is Ayesha Erotica_

_The world's number one coke whore_

_You know!_

_I came here to make one thing fucking clear._

Mark whines desperately, sounding much like a sob, and holds the pillow tighter to his face in hopes to suffocate himself to death.

_I'm a liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-liter-literal legend._

Mark screams.

“Man, time really flies when you take two naps in a day,” Jaemin says through a yawn but he isn’t diligent enough to cover his mouth and plops down in front of Mark who just gazes blankly into space with his bloodshot, dead-looking eyes that are heaved with even more nasty looking eye-bags. “Hey what time is it?” Jaemin asks despite being ignored the first time, which is followed by yet another yawn as he stretches his arms.

“Do I look like the weatherman to you?” Mark snarls and jumps forward a bit in an attempt to sound more threatening, making clear how irritated he is to be currently listening to ‘Bitch Boss’ on repeat for the fourth time.

Jaemin falls silent, blinking at his friend who hasn’t stopped glaring like a feisty puppy. He opens and closes his mouth, looking pretty dumbfounded before he asks weakly. “A what?”But Mark just groans in despair and claps his hands around his ears when the song starts for the fifth time.

Jaemin slurps obnoxiously loud on his coffee, which surely would be Death’s favorite, filled with tortured souls. “What's wrong with you? Why do you look like-” He jiggles his hands up and down, gesturing at the lump state of Mark.“this”

Mark exhales heavily as he plays with the straw “I lost something close to me today.” He says dramatically.

Jaemin perks his brows up on that and leans a bit closer to his friend, looking genuinely worried. “Oh no, what is it?”

“My will to live.” Mark deadpans, looking dead-on in Jaemin’s eyes. “And also I’m this close to starting hissing at kids.” He demonstrates this by putting his two fingers together.

Jaemin pouts, gently touching Mark by his wrist he holds Mark’s palm with both of his hands and gazes at him with big, sparkling, honest eyes. “But honey, you didn’t have any will to live to begin with.” And he just giggles at Mark’s misery when he slaps his hand out of his reach. “Is your soulmate acting up, again?”

His friends are already well-known with Mark’s soulmate and their, well, questionable choices when it comes to listening to music so it doesn’t really come as surprise to see Mark so disheveled.

Mark just sighs and nods tiredly. “I had to wake up on literal screaming and moaning and the song about coke whores.”

And Jaemin cackles once more, his body shaking with the laughter but then he suddenly freezes, his eyes wide in terror. “Oh my god…” He whispers mortified and Mark is left watching his friend with a frown as Jaemin doesn’t move for a second-and Mark is concerned for a moment that his friend is finally being overdosed on an unhealthy amount of caffeine intake but then, fortunately, or unfortunately Jaemin speaks again. “I just realized that our soulmates can probably hear when we watch porn.”

After coughing and dearly gasping for air he finally looks at his friend, with a mischievous smirk playing on his lips. “Well, that’s embarrassing if your soulmate knows about your furry fetish.” Jaemin throws a wrinkled napkin at him. But it just makes Mark cackle louder.

"It was one time and I was just curious!" Jaemin shrieks in defense but Mark just continues to smirk at him.

"That's what everyone says at first." But then Mark’s eyes drop on the unholy cup of coffee that Jaemin is holding and it makes his brows rise when he doesn’t recognize the name tag. “Did you find a new place where they sell poisons?”

Jaemin looks confused for a moment, still slurping on his “coffee” he looks at the cup and smiles. “Yeah, they just opened, we should visit it someday. I’m sure you’ll like it there.” Jaemin says the last sentence with a seemingly angelic smile but Mark knows better than anybody that beneath hides a literal Satan.

So he gulps loudly, knowing to await the worst.

And his hypotheses are proven right the moment he steps inside the café and the familiar trumpet sound rings into his ears. 

𝓙𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓓𝓮𝓻𝓾𝓵𝓸

“Oh my god,” He screeches as he covers his ears and collapses to the ground, “I think I’m being haunted by TikTok songs.” He whispers in horror, sitting in a fetal position as he rocks his shaking body back and forth and ignoring the fact of how stupid he must be looking right now.

But his equally insensible friend seems unbothered as he scrolls onto his phone. “Don’t worry, I hear it too.” He says nonchalantly and walks away, not even helping Mark to stand up who is still glued to his place, trembling uncontrollably as Jason Derulo’s voice fills his ears like an utter curse.

After what feels like an eternity spent in the flames of hell stabbed with the devil’s pitchfork and with Savage Love playing in the background, Mark finally forces himself to stand, and only then the feeling of embarrassment settles inside his gut. 

But as he looks around he finds no one around, the café still being completely empty, but maybe again, it’s because he and Jaemin literally stepped inside five minutes after it was opened.

So with sluggish steps, he walks towards the cashier where Jaemin is probably giving his unholy order.

_Every night and every day_

_I try to make you stay_

_But your_

The music slows down, giving Mark’s ears peace for a second before someone emerges from the kitchen, sliding on the floor and holy-moly, Mark swears he forgets to breathe when he gets a better view of the boy that blazes in the before dull-looking place with his lovely shade of blonde hair that contrasts so beautifully with his golden skin. His eyes look like pools of honey in the warm sunshine and Mark’s breathe hitch and heartbeat picks up a peace the longer he witnesses the embodiment of the sun swirl gracefully in front of his eyes.

Ethereal. That’s the first word that comes to Mark’s mind as he observes the male who glows in the warm rays of sunlight.

“Savage love! Did somebody, did somebody break your heart?” And even if the boy is singing this ungodly song from the top of his lungs he still looks delicate in Mark’s eyes.

Mark’s mouth goes dry, and his lungs out of air the more he watches the male with his rigid heartbeat thudding in his ears. Suddenly the world seems to lose its peace, moving slower, giving Mark more time to gawk at the prettiest human being his eyes ever dared to land on.

But then a rather harsh nudge startles him from his haze. “Mark! Are you deaf?” Jaemin screams right into his ear making him flinch. He gives a quick panicked glance at the golden male but he doesn’t seem to notice Mark rudely ogling him for god knows how long.

He clears his throat, the lump still stays heavy in his throat as he tries to muster a word, but his tongue is tied. “What do you want?” He croaks, which sounds pitiful even for his own ears and he nervously rubs his clammy palms onto his jeans.

“Order, Mark! You should give your order.” Jaemin practically yells as he scowls at his friend.

So Mark coughs once more and turns to the cashier but when he finds the embodiment of sunshine and summer standing next to a very rigid looking worker, he forgets to speak once more.

“But your savage love! When you kiss me I know you don't give two fucks!” The male continues to sing, to scream, right into the cashier’s ear and Mark catches his brow twitch and the pen he’s holding on shakes with tension as he grips his jaw but the other one doesn’t seem bothered as he continues to furry the male even more.

Mark’s eyes drop onto the name tag of the annoyed male who looks like five minutes away from committing a murder, and reads Renjun but as he tries to read the one’s he’s the most interested in he can’t keep his eyes on him because the male doesn’t seem to stop moving around.

“Are you ready to take your order?” The cashier, Renjun, asks through gripped teeth, visibly trying to not bust in flames of anger so Mark not wanting to irritate him more quickly gives his order.

When they turn around they hear a shout leave from the closed doors of the kitchen. “Shut the fuck up!” which is followed by a distinct sound of a slap, and it’s so loud that Mark flinches as if he was the one slapped.

When Renjun comes outside the kitchen he looks level-headed again, he huffs and angrily tidies his apron.“Are you okay,” Jaemin asks with a shaky, small voice and his eyes search for the name tag. “Renjun?”

And the smile Renjun gives them, will forever be imprinted in Mark’s mind and appear in his worst nightmares, because it looks so forced, so unnatural and sinister that it makes Mark shudders in fear.

“Never felt better before,” Renjun says assuringly, but his voice is still filled with rage.

Soon the source of the distress slips outside from the kitchen once more, still looking as beautiful as ever but he looks lost in his phone, pouting, a frown forms on his delicate features as he scrolls on the screen, Mark guesses, on his playlist.

Then suddenly a Dutch song starts to play on full volume, and Mark knows it because his soulmate seems to like this song as well and Mark quickly learned that it’s pretty popular on TikTok nowadays. So he sighs softly, what has he sinned so terrible to be attracting tiktokers these days, he doesn’t know.

And Renjun groans, hiding his face into his palms and Mark never related so much to someone in his life. “I’m so sorry, we usually play better music but he gets to choose in the morning when we have no customers yet.” He explains, still holding his hands to his face, trying very hard to keep his cool.

But everything goes downhill as the male whose name Mark still has to learn, starts to shout out the gibberish of words, which sounds everything but Dutch.

This happens to be the last push for Renjun because he jumps from his place then, his face a bright red in anger. “You don’t even speak Dutch!” He shouts, making both Jaemin and Mark jump in fear.

“Oh, and you do?” He asks while still moving around, never stops dancing. How he is so energetic at 9 in the morning, Mark has a hard time understanding.

Renjun scoffs bewildered. “Of course I don’t.”

“Then how do you know I’m not speaking Dutch right now?” He asks and goes on spluttering more gibberish and Renjun looks seconds away from tackling him down and strangling him now and there.

“No, he kinda has a point.” Jaemin decides to butt in and Mark has never felt uneasy with his friend and lack of a filter of his, even if it caused them getting in trouble for a few occasions-like that time when Jaemin has decided that it would be a great idea to start an argument with a man that looked like he could snap both of their necks with his single pinkie-but now when someone as soft and petite looking Renjun is glaring at them with so much hatred and anger, Mark for the first time wishes he never befriended Jaemin in the elementary school.

But before Renjun can answer, or attack them and rip them into small shreds, another person comes out from the kitchen, looking unbothered by the blasting music that shakes the walls.

“Johnny, please do something!” Renjun begs then, slumping against the desk but the older male just ignores him, continuing to walk away. “Tell your brother to turn off this disaster of music, he’s disturbing the customers!” He whines again but when he gets a silence as a response he tugs onto his sleeve, finally getting his attention.

Johnny slowly touches his ear, taking the earbud out. “What did you say?”

And Renjun scoffs scandalized, quickly grabbing the ear piece before Johnny can react and gazes at it for a while, before glaring at the older with so much unsaid fury that it makes even Mark shiver in fear. “So this whole time you were wearing earbuds?”

“What? Did you really expect me to sit and listen to this? Do I look insane to you?” He questions, his tone accusing and the male in question just yelps an offended ‘Hey’ from the distance, still continuing to dance though but before Renjun can complain furthermore, Johnny is already walking away, leaving everyone standing there perplexed.

Well, it’s a very unique café to say at least.

“Hey, don’t want to sound rude or something but we’re kinda getting late to our lecture,” Mark says almost inaudible, afraid to anger Renjun, who still looks on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Calm down tiger, I’m making them.” And the devil in the angel’s disguise speaks then, still humming the song under his breath.

And Mark struggling to form confidence clears his throat, and leaning softly on the desk he looks straight at him. “You know, I never caught your name.” He says and to his utter surprise, his voice somehow doesn’t come as squeaky as he thought it would.

Mark expects countless reactions, being ignored, laughed at, looked by an accusing gaze but what Mark didn’t see coming is the boy literally throwing his name tag at him while yelling “catch.” without bothering to look up, concentrated on making their drinks.

The plastic name tag falls down with a clear click in the room full of silence. Renjun sighs exasperatedly which goes unnoticed by Mark, his senses befogged as he takes the tag into his hands.

Haechan, it reads.

What a pretty name, Mark thinks, never he ever seen someone’s name suit the person so much before.

“Here, all done.” Haechan chirps and puts their drinks on the desk. A pink, strawberry milkshake and the drink of the death-filled with blackness, blackness, and nothing but blackness. “Hope to see you around more-“ He says as glimpses Mark up and down with a small smile, not even trying to hide the fact that he’s checking him out. Mark’s cheeks tint with pink dust and his heartbeat picks up its pace in nervousness-and suddenly Mark feels like he’s standing naked in public from how nerve-racking the boy’s gaze is. “You guys never told us your names.”

“I’m Jaemin and this is Mark, but we don’t have a name tag to throw at you, though.” Jaemin then says through a forced, over-exaggerated pout which should make one fill with a feeling of revolt, but it just makes Haechan beam wider, brighter and Mark swears he could pass out right now and there.

“See you around then.” Haechan pipes and when he turns his face towards Mark again with a huge grin, Mark thinks he could get blind from how much he actually shines.

“I don’t blame you if you won’t come back,” Renjun grumbles, his expression is pained, morphed into an utter annoyance.

But before any of them can answer Haechan blasts his playlist once more, now playing ‘Say So’ so Mark and Jaemin quickly rush out from the café before potentially going deaf.

Mark’s minding his own business, twirling around his kitchen as he’s trying to make some ramen for his starving stomach but without setting the house up in flames, _this time._

You know, just a normal evening for the student.

He whistles tunes with a dumb smile plastered on his face as he waits for the water to boil. And in some kind of twisted way he is happy to found someone who is also cursed to be hearing TikTok songs for eternity-the circumstances is different but the methods of torture are the same.

But speaking of the devil’s music, a child’s voice starts to scream right into his ears, making Mark stumble and crash against the stove, trundling the boiler in the process and Mark shrills like a little girl as he jumps back, somehow managing to avoid getting burned by the boiling, hot water.

_Baby Shark doo doo, doo doo doo doo._

And the child’s voice continues to sing as Mark falls to the ground, clutching his chest where his heart beats so unevenly that he really reckons that he’s having a cardiac arrest. He huffs breathless, trying to calm his short breathing but his body still trembles from head to toe.

And if Baby Shark song wasn’t cursed enough, it’s a trap remix version and suddenly jumping from the roof sounds very tempting. Who the fuck listens to Baby Shark in 2020? Mark’s soulmate apparently.

“What the fuck?” He yells, still lying on the ground, “Shut the fuck up” he gets as a response from his neighbor. Mark almost forgot how thin the walls were in the dormitory.

“Sorry!” He shouts again, getting no response this time so with a sigh he bumps the back of his head onto the table, hoping that he will knock his senses out. But the song never stops ringing in his brain.

_Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination_

_And when he's tall_

_He's what we call a dinosaur sensation._

With every beat drop, Mark can feel his sanity break, his brain crush into small pieces, and his skull melts into a jelly. In a few words, Mark’s on the brick of checking in the mental facility.

And he can’t believe that it’s leaving his own lips but he rather listens to the obnoxious TikTok songs, than trap remixes of the child’s songs.

But more than his dignity, he’s more worried about his soulmate’s well-being-because W H O M S T’ D V E fuck would listen to children’s songs on their own will.

“Please kill me.” He whispers, his voice stained as few tears gather up in the corner of his eyes. “Please just kill me.” He crawls to Jaemin who is eating his fries in peace but Mark basically drops dead on him, making him choke on the food in the process. “Just end my suffering Jaemin, I can’t take this anymore.” But his face pinches, grimaces in suffering from both mental and physical pain as the cheerful music goes on, throbbing inside his head.

_Barney's friends are big and small_

_They come from lots of places_

_After school they meet to play_

_And sing with happy faces._

And he wants to scream so bad because it’s an unspeakable, agonizing pain to be forced to listen to this demonic song on the loop where the children’s chants sound straight out from the horror movie. He feels like he’s a character in a one-in a weird, twisted horror movie. His life doesn’t feel real at this point, he feels like he stumbled upon in a forsaken alternative universe and all of this is just a glitch in simulation.

“Mark, you need to stay strong,” Jaemin says as he wipes the imaginary tear that has managed to slip out from his tired, tragic eyes. Jaemin’s fingers shake as he takes the state of his friend, a warrior, a true hero so embraces him in a tight, breath-taking hug, sobbing into his shoulder.

_Barney shows us lots of things_

_Like how to play pretend_

_ABC's, and 123's_

_And how to be a friend._

“Jaemin.” He croaks, his voice breathless, sounding torn and weak. “Jaemin I don’t think I can hold it any longer so please promise me-“ He never finishes his sentence as he coughs on nonexistent blood and Jaemin just hugs him tighter, more invisible tears roll down his cheeks. “Promise that you will find my soulmate and take revenge for me.”

“What are you saying, Mark? You’re going to live! Don’t you dare to leave me!” Jaemin wails as he squeezes the limp body closer. “Mark, please, you have to live!” He cries when his friend goes still, not moving, nor breathing and so Jaemin moves back and Mark drops to the ground weightlessly with a last exhale of a shaky breath. “Oh, Mark.” Jaemin weeps into his hands as the lifeless body of his friend lies on the ground.

“And these are my friends-“ Jeno cuts his sentence shut and his hand freezes in the air, where he is pointing at the imbeciles in question, and for a moment he just gazes blankly at the scene in front of him-Mark sprawled onto the ground like a goldfish and Jaemin crying alone, like a maniac.

Jeno blinks and blinks before he turns to the person he was talking to moments ago who is also gawking perplexed at Jeno’s idiotic excuse of friends. “You know, I need new friends, can I go with you?”

The guy jolts before throwing Jeno an apologetic, yet forced smile. “I can’t, I have to, um, I have to iron my cat, so bye?” He quickly bolts before Jeno can even speak.

So Jeno sighs, muttering “understandable” under his breath and he walks towards his friend, who he wishes weren’t ones. “What the fuck are you even doing?” He questions as he sits next to Jaemin and munches onto stolen fries.

“Mark’s soulmate has changed its war tactics.” Jaemin answers quickly, finally breaking whatever character he was playing, but Mark continues to lay onto the ground.

“Barney comes to play with us whenever we may need him. Barney can be your friend too if you just make-believe him!” Mark sways his head to the sides as he sings along, his eyes not moving, widen in horror as his lips stretch in a maniacal smile.

Jeno gazes at him for a second, taking the insane state of his friend before turning to Jaemin for further explanation.

“Kidz bop but make it trap remix versions.” Jaemin finger-guns, answering nonchalantly while shaking the box of fries in a search of the last bits but it only processes to sprinkle salt right into his eyes and so he yelps in pain.

Jeno stares at him, blinks, but then again averts his gaze-he really needs new friends.

They somehow concur Jeno to go along with them in the café and when they go inside they find it completely empty. Lack of customers is probably caused because it’s still freshly opened, or maybe it’s because of their debatable music choices. Mark thinks it’s the latter.

So it comes as no surprise for Jaemin and him when “WAP” starts to shake the walls of the small café the moment they step inside. Jeno looks startled though, but it’s okay he will get used to it soon.

Mark can’t help but smile when he gets a glimpse of Haechan who looks concentrated on balancing his phone onto the cup and they are already on their way to greet them when suddenly Haechan kicks his leg in the air “Now from the top, make it drop” and just like that disappear behind the desk, the provocative lyrics continuing to playing on the background.

Renjun just sighs, just leaning his chin into his palm as he gazes blankly into space, not giving mere attention to his friend that still lies on the ground, chanting the lyrics out of the breath.

Jaemin tries to peek down but Renjun gently nudges him by his shoulder, pushing him back. “You don’t want to see that.” Is the only thing he murmurs.

A sense of déjà vu settles in when Johnny like the day before emerges through the kitchen and he throws a glimpse of the boy that viscously is dry-humping the floor. “Why is Haechan lying on the floor?” He turns to Renjun, taking his earbud out.

“He’s doing wet ass pussy challenge,” Renjun answers nonchalantly, not moving from his position, still gazing at nothingness with his soulless, dead eyes.

Johhny glances at Haechan once last time before sighing and putting the earbud back. “I need to drink.” He whispers under his breathe and leaves just like that.

“Who is he?” Jaemin asks as he points back at the male, not so politely, but Jaemin’s lack of sensibility already has been established.

“Oh, he’s Haechan’s older brother, Johnny, and owner of this place.” Renjun finally blinks for the first time and leaning back he stretches his sore muscles.

“Hi, guys!” Haechan chirps in his usual friendly voice as he absurdly jumps from the floor and even if he looks out of breath and his skin has turned red from dancing, Mark still thinks that he’s the loveliest human to walk on the planet earth-and probably on the other planets too. “Hi, Mark!” He exclaims as he notices the boy and leans his side to the desk, gazing at him with his blinding grin. And no Mark doesn’t feel butterflies flutter in his stomach, no, he feels a whole pack of insects eating him from the inside.

And what can Mark else do but mimic the boy’s expression? Beaming, he greets him back.

When they take their orders Mark suspects they will drink their coffee in peace-maybe Jaemin will choke once, or twice-but what he doesn’t expect is Haechan coming towards their seat, dragging grumpy looking Renjun with him.

And with a quiet huff, he plops onto the seat as if he was invited to but no one seems to mind him, because why would they? Haechan is nothing but friendly and seems fun too and Renjun, well, he is just there…

“So, let’s get to know each other better.” Haechan chirps and claps his hands, looking at them with enthusiastic, twinkling eyes.

“Um, don’t want to sound rude or something, but don’t people to serve?” Jeno asks on which he gets a deserved pinch on his arm from Jaemin.

Haechan blinks his doe eyes as he tilts his head to the side. “Serve who? Ghosts?” And Jeno quickly realizes how dumb he sounded as he looks around and sees no soul around them. “Oh god, don’t tell me you too believe in paranormal! Are you flat earther like Renjun?” Haechan’s expression sours but then he breaks into a fit of giggles when the mentioned boy hits him on the back of his head, hard, _very_ hard.

“I’m not flat earther, you moron!”

And this is how they bond, discussing a lot of wistful theories like how phobias are just mind allergies and overall just talking, and having fun and so they exchange numbers and Haechan promises to send a lot of memes in their newly made group chat, whispering to ignore Renjun’s boring ones and which ends up him getting another slap on his arm.

Later when the sun has already settled down, Mark is lying onto his bed with a dumb smile stretched on his lips as he thinks about the particular golden boy. Truth to be told he feels bad because, in the end, he's already destined with his soulmate-but a small crush didn't kill anybody right?

Giggling his rolls onto his stomach and plops his face into the pillow, kicking his legs in the air. God, he's so embarrassing. 

But then he hears a soft tunes bell in his ears and he knows he probably should be thankful for finally having something normal to listen to but his heart still clutches uncomfortably the longer he listens to "So This Is Love."

And it's very hypocritical of him, he knows that but he still can't help the petty side of him and puts a usual "Gives You Hell" in a response. 

**“** Wow, Mark is so hot.” Haechan sighs love-struck as he leans his face into his hands, gazing longingly at the door from which the said boy walked out not even 5 minutes ago. Renjun just shuffles through the magazine, ignoring his presence.

 **“** Don’t be sad Haechan, you are hot too!” At that moment Johnny comes back and ruffles his Haechan’s hair with a fond smile like a supportive older brother he is.

 **“** I’m not being sad, Johnny, I’m being gay.”

And Johnny gazes at his younger brother for a moment before he wordlessly grabs the bottle of vodka out from the shelf and quickly leaves before he can get furthermore headache.

“What about your soulmate?” Renjun asks monotone, his eyes still glued on the magazine and they linger a bit too long on Lucas’ abs.

“Me having a soulmate doesn’t change the fact that Mark is hot.”

“Uh-oh.” Renjun muses, finally flipping another page. “And what did you find hot about him? When he managed to spill the strawberry milkshake onto the floor, twice? Or when the milk was dripping from his nose because he laughed at your stupid joke in the middle of drinking?”

Haechan yelps, offended and his hand is onto his way in the air to hit his friend. “So you’re saying I like airhead guys? For you information I have very high standards, I'd never date anyone clu-”

But then a loud thud is there to startle both of them and when they look in a search of the source of the noise they find Mark lying on the concrete outside the door, rubbing his forehead.

“Oh, shit that hurt,” Mark mumbles as he walks inside, still massaging his bruised forehead, and Haechan and Renjun frozen in the same position just watch him from afar. “Hey guys, I think I forgot my wallet.” And for a second Haechan gawks at him before sighing and walking towards the disastrous boy. Okay, maybe Renjun's right this one time.

“Hey, Mark because you’re already here, can you carry this box? It’s really heavy.” And no, he didn’t ask that just to see Mark’s biceps flex, no-uh, he would never. So Haechan forces the most adorable pout he can muster-not like it’s needed, Mark would jump in front of the moving car for him.

“Sure.” Mark agrees unsurprisingly, picking the box effortlessly. “Nothing is heavier than the weight of the stress on my shoulders.

Haechan blinks in both worry and amusement as he points the way for Mark to put the box. “I’m now equally impressed and concerned.” Mark just giggles, and it sounds so adorable that Haechan doesn’t have the heart to tell him that wasn’t joking.

Days go by and the trio of dumbasses check into the cafe almost every single day and it’s not because of Mark’s little crush, no-oh sir, but in honesty not only Mark gets the chance to creepily ogle the male, the drinks and the food in the cafe is genuinely delicious, so going there has a lot of perks. And so, slowly but surely the trio adds the duo of spawns of satan, their weirdness and quirks easily fitting the dynamics of the three imbeciles and this is exactly how Mark ends up having this conversation at an ungodly hour with Haechan.

“I hate it when people ask me if I'm still gay or not.” Haechan whines from the line and Mark just hums in response to the gesture that he’s still listening, even if his eyes are half-lidded. “Like, what do they expect me to say? No, not anymore, my gay card expired last week, and I forgot to replace it?” And Haechan sounds genuinely angry for something that has never happened, ever.

Mark groans and rubs the sleepiness away and when he tries to speak, no words come out from his dried throat. “Hey, Haechan? You’re cool and everything, but it's 3 am.”

Haechan makes a high-pitched sound and Mark can hear him shuffle around, probably checking the clock. “Oh shit sorry Mark, I’m going to hang up now! Sleep well and dream of me!”

And Mark can only huff an air in resemblance of laughter. “How are you so always energetic I don’t understand. Do you even sleep?” He asks mischievously, his voice low and hoarse with sleep.

Haechan’s laughter rings from the other side, bringing a smile to his face. “Magicians never share their secrets.” And with that to finish on the mysterious note, Haechan ends the call and Mark closes his eyes, still smiling dumbly.

_Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova_

_But your dad just calls me Katya._

Mark’s eyes pop out in horror as the song gets louder and louder, pumping inside his skull and he can only squeal and plop his face into the pillow in a hope that his soulmate will have mercy on him and let him get a full-time sleep, at least one.

_You're a basic ass hoe and it's your time to go_

_So bitch let me show you the door._

Mark goes to sleep crying imaginary tears that night.

Renjun calmly observes Haechan rapping all of the Danny Phantom theme song perfectly, word for word by heart as he jumps from one side to another. “It’s good to know you have at least one talent.” He muses, still gazing at his friend with judging eyes but Haechan as usual, just ignores him continuing to yell out the words.

When they hear the door open Haechan whips his head so fast that he can hear his bones crack. “Hey Haechan, I really had a dream about you last night,” Mark says with a smile the moment he greets them and Haechan’s face breaks into a grin.

He bounces up and down as he gazes at the male with clear excitement. “Aw, really?”

Mark nods, still smiling. “Yeah, you were my sleep paralysis demon.” He deadpans nonchalantly and it makes Haechan freeze in the mid-air before he jumps down with a groan.

“I hope I killed you in your sleep, then.” He says it with a warm, friendly smile which Mark mimics.

And they gaze at each other for a while, not breaking the eye contact as the sun shines brightly and the birds are chirping because love is in the air and everything is perfect and-

The sizzling sound makes them whip their head towards Renjun and watch him open a soda can with narrowed eyes. Haechan throws him a dirty glance and his face morphs into a scowl. “We're having a moment.”

Renjun takes a sip, drinking the drink with a loud gulp. “Yeah...” He burps. “And I'm having a cola.” He rubs the sugary liquid off his lips and looks at them with a crooked, cat-like smile.

Haechan groans at his friend's antics and drops his head down. “By the way where are others?” And before Mark can speak himself a loud screech fills the room.

“We are here!” Jeno answers from the floor and when his friends stand there, ogling him and waiting for an explanation Jeno exhales heavily, still trying to catch his breath as he gulps the air in his lungs. “Jaemin told me not to pet the cat, but I did, now my eyes are swollen and he wants to kill me.”

They nod in unison before turning their attention away and going back to their original business and Jeno can only yelp in horror as Jaemin drags him across the floor.

“Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow? I need it for the gym.” Jaemin asks Mark as he slurps down on his poison.

Mark exhales heavily and leans back on the chair. “The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence,”

Jaemin throws a fork at him. “Literally all you had to do was say no.”

_Lookie here..._

_Listen up..._

_I'm the one, oh!_

Haechan puts his usual cursed song on, making everyone groan-everyone but Mark as he freezes at his place, his eyes wide in horror as he recognizes the song that kept him awake the whole night and for a moment he again considers that he, indeed is haunted by TikTok songs.

So when he looks in Haechan’s direction in a panic he finds Renjun shaking his head. “It’s the song Haechan has been obsessing with the whole day.” He explains quickly, his words make Mark’s heartbeat even louder than before as he listens to Haechan screech the lyrics.

This can’t be true. Mark already came in terms of the fact that the universe hates him. There is no way it would be generous enough to make Haechan his soulmate.

_Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova_

_But your dad just calls me Katya._

And for the first time, the gears in Mark's brain work faster than ever, a light bulb shines above Mark’s head so he quickly shuffles to take his phone and plugs the earphones in. In the playlist, he searches for the familiar song, the song he always uses as a response for his obnoxious soulmate, who may, or may not be Haechan.

_I wake up every evening_

_With a big smile on my face._

And Mark feels a trainwreck of emotions when notices the way Haechan flinches before a small smile plays on his lips. “Wipe off that creepy smile, it’s freaking me out.” Renjun throws Haechan a dirty glance as he checks him up and down with eyes full of judgment. “What are you even smiling about?”

“My soulmate is telling me to go to hell again,” Haechan explains with full of fondness, his tone tender as if he’s telling the good news. “They always play Gives You Hell whenever I play music.”

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Renjun scoffs.

_And truth be told I miss you_

_And truth be told I'm lying._

And when Mark sees Haechan’s lips move, mouthing the lyrics, he jumps up from his seat, bumping his leg onto the table and spilling Jaemin’s drink in the process who flinches, cursing the mother out Mark as he tries to clean the stain out of his new pants.

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell!_

_Hope it gives you hell!_

And everyone jolts startled when Mark starts to shout the lyrics. For a moment Haechan is looking at him with a frown as if Mark has grown a second head, before the sound of the music gets louder in the back of his head as Mark puts his headphones on, so he jumps over the desk rushing towards him with a huge, glimmering beam that outshines the sun itself.

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell!_

_Hope it gives you hell!_

Mark continues to scream from the top of his lungs even when he’s voice breaks while bouncing his head up and down and soon enough Haechan joins the screaming fit, screeching the lyrics along with Mark as they jump around, and their friends are left with no other option but to sit and continue to, watch as their loved ones lose their sanity. At that right moment Johnny walks inside and staring at the insane scene for a second he wordlessly walks towards the already emptied shelf. “I need to start doing crystal meth.” He whispers under his breath.

_If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well_

_Then he's a fool you're just as well_

_Hope it gives you hell!_

“Give me one if you will get it,” Renjun says blankly, his eyes glued to the two that are still yelling and jumping like monkeys at the zoo. Johnny slaps the younger but he’s too caught up guard to even react.

But then, to everyone's surprise, Mark, a person who will cry if he accidentally will step on the insect, tackles Haechan to the ground, making everyone gasp.

“You’re crazy you know that? You’re a menace, a sadist, that’s what you are!” Mark yells, clear anger visible on his face as he shakes Haechan by his shoulders and so their friends are ready to rush to them to prevent a possible fight but Haechan then starts to guffaw, which takes everyone aback furthermore.

“I know! Isn’t it great?”

And Mark’s before a tight-knit between his brows completely vanishes as he breaks into a beam. “Yeah, it totally is!” Mark yells with a smile then in a blink, he drops his head down and quickly takes Haechan’s lips into his on which Haechan gladly responds and wraps his arms around his shoulders-still lying on the floor which he was too lazy to clean in the morning.

“I’m not getting paid enough for this shit!” Renjun screams and he throws his apron onto the table, locking himself in the kitchen he probably cries his eyes out with angry tears.

“I love you,” Haechan murmurs as he rubs his nose onto Mark’s, gazing at him with sparkling eyes full of pure love.

“I love you more,” Mark whispers as if telling a secret but it soon changes into a yelp when Haechan kicks him in the shin.

“Don’t start a fucking battle, you can’t win!” and Mark can only sigh in surrender and close his eyes as the warmth radiating the boy lures him to the dreamland, which he’s able to get for the first time in the spare of 2 months.

But then his eyes pop with a loud gasp, forcing Haechan awake as well. “I never asked you out!”

Haechan gazes at him with judgmental, narrowed eyes. “Mark, we are soulmates, you don’t really need to-

“No! Will you go out with me?”

Haechan turns to him, smiling devilish. Oh no. “What if I wanted to ask you out?”

“No, I wanted to ask,” Mark whines and in the back of his mind, he knows that it’s a bad idea to start a challenge with Haechan but he’s petty like this.

Haechan perks his brows. “So, you'll say no if I ask?”

“Of course not! I just want to be the one to ask.” Mark nudges him lightly by his arm and immediately feels cold when Haechan goes out of his reach as he sits on the bed with crossed legs, looking down at him with a demonic smile. 

Satan himself would probably be scared of him.

No wonder Haecahn turned 6 in 2006 on 6th June, on the 6th month of the year. Mark always knew there was something satanic about the boy.

“What if I say no?” He teases and moves back when Mark tries to hold his hand, just to get under his skin. 

Mark pouts, for real this time. “You wouldn't.” He grumbles as he waves his arm in the air, still trying to catch Haecahn but the said boy has the audacity to stand up from the bed.

Haechan sits on the chair in front of him, swirling around as he continues to gaze at Mark with a mischievous smile. “Maybe I would? You don't know.”

“I already asked, please just answer!” Mark whines so loud this time that he’s sure he has lost the last bits of dignity he has left-which wasn’t a lot to begin with.

“NO.” Haechan mouths slowly, emphasizing each letter making Mark groan and plop his head into the pillow with a loud thud.

“No you won't answer, or no you won't go out with me?” His voice comes muffled through the fabric and he peeks at the devilish male through half-lidded eyes, a devil who is supposed to be his soulmate. The universe really hates him.

Haechan raises his brow in a playful manner, unsurprisingly, enjoying his soulmate’s misery. “Neither. Will you go out with me?” 

When Mark just whines in response and kicks his legs in the air like a man-child he is, Haechan’s brows completely disappear in his hairline but not before his face breaks into a sinister smile and Mark can feel a cold bucket of sweat thrown at him as he watches Haechan take his phone in a painfully slow motion. When he catches him plugging the earphones in, it is when the dreadful feeling settles in, making his heart drop. “Don’t you dare.” He whispers weakly in panic.

But he isn’t given a lot of time before he can stop the devil in front of him as Haechan turns the usual cursed song on the full volume. Kazoo kid the trap remix thuds awfully loud in Mark’s skull and he can only wheeze in pain as he covers his ears, feeling the pang of agony as each beat drops down. Mark almost falls down from his bed as his body spasms like a fish thrown onto the land, trying to get away from this torture.

After enjoying the show for a minute or two Haechan finally has mercy to stop the music and Mark rolls onto his bed with an exhausted huff, blankly gazing at the ceiling as his head still pumps with migraine.

The universe really, _really hates him._

“So?” Haechan starts, walking towards the bed and plopping next to Mark he bashes an eyelash innocently with his eyes glimmering in the dark. “Will you go out with me?”

“Fuck you, and fuck yes!”


End file.
